Monday, November 30, 2009

Bella! Get up off the forrest floor_IRB amendment

This study will also look at the developing obsession of 13 year-old females with "Warepigs." Please see link for further developments in this study.

Don't tell me I'm not working!

Thinking is just as productive as actually writing!

Monday, November 23, 2009

Behavioral Analysis of Library Patrons

In the academic world, the days preceding Thanksgiving can be best described as a wash. Students expect faculty to cancel classes and students leave town as early as the preceding Thursday. It’s just a rule. Now, as graduate students, we appreciate the underlying meaning behind the fleeing students. To us, it means… easier access to our faculty (who also seem to revel in the missing students), closer parking spots, empty library computers, less traffic in town, fewer (but still some) e-mail excuses about missing class, just to name a few… It would be an understatement to say we spend a lot of time at the library. In truth, we could live here. We have also discovered that in these few days preceding Thanksgiving, the library populous has adopted new etiquette that takes advantage of the decreased numbers. We chose to detail two examples here.

1) Illegal activity: we all remember Napster in its glory days, when music downloads were unquestionably free. Well, that’s not the case anymore. We all know it. In fact, they include it in orientation about how infinite doom will come to the student who downloads illegal copies of ANYTHING using campus internet. So, observing someone watch an illegal copy of New Moon (which has only been in theaters for a week) on the computer was mind boggling. Given the orientation session we all experienced, it was almost assumed that we too would be kicked out for being in proximity to said illegal activity.

2) The Sleeper: We’ve all fallen asleep at the library. Don’t deny it, you have too. However, there is a line, it’s not even a fine line, between nodding off while reading (of course catching your head before it hits the desk) or putting your head down on the desk for a few minutes, and crawling under the desk, using the chairs as a barrier, your coat as a pillow and light-shield, and SNORING for two hours (at least). See figure 1 for a detailed example.

Figure 1. Sleeper

So to our library comrades out there. Thanks for an entertaining evening!

Monday, November 16, 2009

The War: Pompous Ass vs. Incompetent Boob

As you may recall, one of the diagnostic criteria for Doctoral Syndrome, Leisure Behavior Type was the tendency to be a pompous ass. We have discovered, a fine line exists between pompous ass and incompetent boob… Thus the war begins. First, we feel it is important to set up definitional guidelines.

In the left corner, we have Pompous Ass:

Pompous Ass: Accurately using 75 words (many of which are 3 syllables or more) to describe a phenomenon that could be described using 10.

In the right corner, Incompetent Boob:

Incompetent Boob: Using 75 words, with no actual comprehension of the words, nor the concept you are describing; thus hoping to rely on the fa├žade of competence, but saying a whole lot of nothing. (see previous sentence as an example)

Now, we strive for pompous ass… so as a guide, we will provide three statements: one in lay-language, one encompassing the true spirit of pompous assery, the other, saying a whole lot of nothing.

Common Language statement: The underlying principles of self-determination theory are autonomy, competence, and relatedness. (11 words)

Ass-ified statement: Theorists posit self-determination is a fundamental psychological need grounded in the foundational concepts of autonomy (i.e., personal agency), competence (i.e., personal effectiveness), and relatedness (i.e., the personal propensity for human interactions); thus, self-determined activities exemplify optimal goal-directed services. (38 words)

Boob-ified statement: Researchers conjecture self-determination is an elementary psychological need rooted in the basic notions of autonomy (i.e., one’s own ability to choose), competence (i.e., one’s own ability to feel competent in one’s own active endeavors), and relatedness (i.e., one’s own satisfaction with one’s own social circle (i.e., friends, family, mail man, preacher, co-workers, Starbucks barista, among others)); thenceforth, activities determined by one’s own self (e.g., self-determined) are the gold-standard. (68 words)

While pompous ass has certain negative connotations, when used effectively it can help authors achieve an expected level of scholarly ability. (What we’re really saying… pompous ass=tenure). So, once one achieves the highest height of pompous assery, he or she is no longer perceived as pompous… merely, “THE SMARTEST HUMAN ALIVE!” (a.k.a The Godfather of the TR Mafia).

Some days, grad school kicks your ass.

This is one of them.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

There's a hole in my paper...

So, um, we read. We read a lot. If there were contest involving reading many articles and books, we would probably win. That is how much we read. On occasion, when we are reading, we have magical moments of clarity when we realize that maybe, just maybe, we can hack it in the world of academia. Here is an example of such a magical moment brought to you by the Scandinavian Journal of Occupational Therapy:

"(author omitted), who showed that changes in life as a hole also resulted in changes in the activity patterns among people with depression."

Our question is: with what do we fill this hole? Could it be leisure?