Storage Space

We have a new member of the TR Mafia. She just started this glorious program in September. It is now just 3 weeks away from the end of her first semester. This is what it took for her to get through all the work that was heaped upon her.


1 - 2 GB flash drive - FULL
1 - 4 GB flash drive - FULL
1 - 3 GB account online with Dropbox - new account means it's only 13% full.
1 - 150 GB External Hard drive - On it's way to being FULL

Ha...you were expecting a picture of Oreo cookie packages strewn all over the place, and empty Mtn. Dew cans as the items to get her through her first semester. But no.... the reality is that we can't survive without our technology.

I'm going to be a College Professor

This is a great video that was passed along by MVP...the TR Mafia's godmother. Maybe she's trying to send us a HUGE hint about something.

I can't figure out how to embed the video in the blog. I'm not that hi-tech yet. So here's the link. Great stuff!!

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7451115

Graduate School Barbie

Seeing as how the TR Mafia is comprised of all girls, we found this quite an appropriate description for us. Enjoy!

Graduate School Barbie comes in two styles! Delusional Master's Barbie (tm) and Ph.D. Masochist Barbie (tm). Every Graduate School Barbie comes with these fun-filled features guaranteed to delight and entertain for hours:

* Grad School Barbie comes out of the box with a big grin on her face that turns into a frown after 2 weeks or her first advisor meeting (whichever comes first).

* Adorable black circles under her delightfully bloodshot eyes!

* Two outfits: a grubby pair of blue jeans with 5-year-old gap T-shirt, and a floppy pair of gray sweatpants with a matching "Go Screw Yourself" T-shirt!

* Grad School Barbie talks! Just press the button on her left hand and hear her say such upbeat grad school phrases as, "Yes, Professor, It'll be done by tomorrow" "I'd love to write it all over again" "Why didn't I just get a job, I could have been making $50,000 a year by now if I had just started working with a Bachelor's degree. But noooooo." and "I wish somebody would drop a bomb on the school so that I'd have an excuse to stop working on this degree that's sucking every last drop of life force out of my withered and degraded excuse for a soul..." (9 V lithium batteries sold separately)

* Grad School Barbie is anatomically correct! Experience the exciting changes that come with pursuing a higher education! Removable panels on Barbie's head and torso allow you to watch as her cerebellum fries to a crispy brown, her heart race at 150 beats per minute, and her stomach lining gradually dissolve into nothing!

Deluxe Grad School Barbie comes with specially designed eye ducts. Just add water and watch Grad School Barbie burst into tears! Fun for the whole family!

Other accessories include:

* Grad School Barbie's Fun Fridge (tm). Well stocked with microwave popcorn, Coca-Cola, Healthy Choice Bologna (99% fat free!), and small bottle of Mattel Brand Rum (tm).

* Grad School Barbie's Medicine Cabinet. Comes in Fabulous Pink and contains Barbie sized bottles of Advil, St. Johns Wort, Zantac, and your choice of three fun anti-anxiety drugs! (Barbie Medicine Cabinet not available without a prescription).

* Grad School Barbie's Computer Workstation. Comes with miniature obsolete PC (pink of course), rickety desk, and over a dozen miniature Mountain Dew cans to decorate your workstation (Mountain Dew deposit not included in price, tech support sold separately. Miniature cigarette butts and Oreo packages also available)

And Grad School Barbie is not alone! Order now and you'll get two of Barbie's great friends!

GRADUATE ADVISOR KEN: Barbie's mentor and advisor in her quest for increased education and decreased self esteem. Grad Advisor Ken (tm) comes with a supply of red pens and a permanent frown. Press the button to hear Grad Advisor Ken deliver such wisdom as: "I need an update on your progress" "I don't think you'll be ready to graduate this spring" and "This is nowhere near ready for publication."

REAL JOB SKIPPER: When Barbie needs to talk, she knows that she can always count on her good friend Real Job Skipper (tm), who got a job after getting her bachelor's degree. Press the button to hear Real Job Skipper say: "Sometimes I wish I went for my masters degree" and "Work is so hard! I had to work a half an hour of overtime!" Real Job Skipper's Work Wardrobe, Savings Account, and New Car sold separately. (WARNING: Do not place Grad Student Barbie and Real Job Skipper too close to each other, as there have been several mysterious cases of children leaving the room and coming back to find Barbie's hands mysteriously fused to Skipper's throat.) 

SOON TO COME..... Nothing-has-really-changed, but-the-pay-IS-better-TENURE TRACK BARBIE, complete her own office (windows optional)!!

The Entire Reason We Started This Blog

Hello friendly TR Mafia blog readers:

We recently read a blog post on a fellow grad students blog (from another university) and we couldn't help but think back to the entire reason we started this blog: to vent. That's about all we have to say right now. Read this and feel our pain. Thank you.

I Am An Angry Person (Sometimes)

As part of my assistantship in my graduate program, I TA for a couple professors. Each professor teaches at least two classes with a different group of students for each. My interaction with students is zilch. And my involvement in the classes is only slightly higher than that: I grade papers and enter those grades. In other words, it's a completely antiseptic relationship.

Interestingly enough some students don't seem to understand that. They suppose that my very life and breath is sustained by their--and their alone--success in that class. Here is one excellent example:

Hi Camilla,

I see I have a ZERO for quiz 9. I've never missed a quiz or been late to class and have always done 100% of the readings. So whatever quiz 9 was based on, I should not have a zero. Could you check on that for me?
Thanks,

Angry Undergraduate Student

Note the cheery greeting that belies the hostile message found below. I have yet to respond to this student, or do anything about her grade. I have, however, found the time to compose a stingingly sarcastic response, which I did not send, but did disseminate amongst the other graduate students and now here on my blog:

Please understand that I am a TA for multiple classes and your email about a nameless, dateless quiz in an unspecified class was not only rude, but useless to me. Perhaps you should look up an article on hostile attribution bias and review your approach to conflict or stressful situations. Just a thought. Also, given the fact that you have--as you were so kind to inform to me in your email--earned 100 percent on everything else in the class, I don't believe that a missing grade for one quiz is quite the crisis you have built it up to be. Perhaps you should also research the following thinking errors: catastrophizing, and, while your at it, entitlement. Definitely entitlement. Furthermore, as a grad student working on narrowing down a thesis topic, putting together lit reviews and presentations, studying upper level statistics, training for a half marathon, working for two professors while simultaneously putting in hours for three other part-time jobs, I frankly don't care about your one, measly 10-point-at-best missing quiz score. Nor, as illustrated by the lengthy list of demands on my time, am I diabolically conniving to ruin your or any other student's shot at seeing your name in lights on the dean's list of honor, or earning that extra $100 your parents will pay you for earning an "A." Again, I just don't care.

Maybe you'd like to try your email to me again.

Best,

Your over-worked, under-paid, sleep deprived, and apparently worthless-by-your-standards, TA

Rule #8

Don't be afraid of faculty. They can smell fear.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/3545435/The-smell-of-fear-is-real-claim-scientists.html

Rule #7

It is never...never...never ok to be in the library on a friday night during the summer unless you are working on a major project (i.e., your dissertation or the precursors of it) or you are one of these guys and you are on a quest to find Zelda.

Rule #6

There are conversations that are appropriate for the library, and there are conversations that are not. Know the difference.

Rule #5

Never, under any circumstances, ever go to events sponsored by undergrad organizations... just trust us on this

Rule #4

Every group of grad students should have a past time. 2/3rds of us suggest keg kickball. But whatever you do, take time to play.

That could be Baaahhd!

Goats are becoming increasingly common in the populations of domesticated animals. Spurred on by the ‘green movement’ and the desire to raise productive pets, an increasing interest in the therapeutic benefits of goats has been identified, particularly in combination with therapeutic gardening. While goats are frequently friendly towards humans and respond to human affection, they are larger than dogs and when agitated or frightened can “run amuck.” A recent incident in Australia calls this to our attention. A neighboring billy goat (aka Billy) was responsible for two spinal cord injuries, multiple cuts, and a sprained ankle when he became frightened and escaped his yard. The purpose of this study is to first identify and manage the risks related to using goats in animal assisted therapy. The second part of this study will examine the therapeutic benefits of goats in multiple environments.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7612632/Rampaging-goat-puts-three-in-hospital.html

Rule #3

Understand correlations. No really, understand them. And then say this 10 times everyday. "Correlation does not equal causation." Seriously, say it. Learn it. Live it. Otherwise you might as well go be a pirate.

Rule #2

Rule #2: Always read the methods and results section of articles. There will be a time when you wish you had. You might think it's covered well enough in the discussion, but if that was true, they wouldn't have labeled them separately.

Rule #1

After a LONG hiatus, we have decided to post rules. Rules out there for the future graduate student. We couldn't have gotten where we are without the fabulous mentorship of our predecessors, so in tribute and in hopes to help those out there starting graduate school, here are our rules. Follow them. They will help.

Rule #1
Tell yourself it's worth it everyday, even when the job market doesn't look great and you can't remember the last time you ate

Happy Holidays!

It's nice to have the semester over with. It's a nice break from all the work that was heaped upon us at the end of the semester. We hope everyone has a wonderful vacation and happy holidays spent with friends and family.

Pizza Bagels

I am thankful for Pizza Bagels. So thankful that I have given them proper noun status. I had Pizza Bagels for dinner tonight, and as I gloried in the awesomeness of the Pizza Bagels I began to think about the other things I am thankful for: diet coke, beer, video games, cable, werepigs, sports, running, and facebook. But what I am most thankful for are the other two members of the TR Mafia.

Grad school is hard, really, really, stupid hard. There are days when you can hardly stand under the pressure that has been heaped on your shoulders. And what gets you through is not the power of your dream, or your conviction, or your passion, or your brilliance... it's your friends. It's the people sitting next to you, laughing with you (okay, at you), learning with you, but mostly encouraging you.

In grad school you are exactly as strong as those around you. It's that simple. And I happen to to be among giants. I'm thankful for that, and for them, and for the time I'm getting to spend learning from them. I just wanted y'all to know that I am thankful. Also, to know that 2/3 of the minds behind this blog are the greatest minds in field.

Oh, and I want you to never underestimate the power of the Pizza Bagel --- it makes people grateful that they are in grad school... it's magic, freaking magic.

Bella! Get up off the forrest floor_IRB amendment

This study will also look at the developing obsession of 13 year-old females with "Warepigs." Please see link for further developments in this study.

http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight

Don't tell me I'm not working!

Thinking is just as productive as actually writing!

Behavioral Analysis of Library Patrons

In the academic world, the days preceding Thanksgiving can be best described as a wash. Students expect faculty to cancel classes and students leave town as early as the preceding Thursday. It’s just a rule. Now, as graduate students, we appreciate the underlying meaning behind the fleeing students. To us, it means… easier access to our faculty (who also seem to revel in the missing students), closer parking spots, empty library computers, less traffic in town, fewer (but still some) e-mail excuses about missing class, just to name a few… It would be an understatement to say we spend a lot of time at the library. In truth, we could live here. We have also discovered that in these few days preceding Thanksgiving, the library populous has adopted new etiquette that takes advantage of the decreased numbers. We chose to detail two examples here.

1) Illegal activity: we all remember Napster in its glory days, when music downloads were unquestionably free. Well, that’s not the case anymore. We all know it. In fact, they include it in orientation about how infinite doom will come to the student who downloads illegal copies of ANYTHING using campus internet. So, observing someone watch an illegal copy of New Moon (which has only been in theaters for a week) on the computer was mind boggling. Given the orientation session we all experienced, it was almost assumed that we too would be kicked out for being in proximity to said illegal activity.

2) The Sleeper: We’ve all fallen asleep at the library. Don’t deny it, you have too. However, there is a line, it’s not even a fine line, between nodding off while reading (of course catching your head before it hits the desk) or putting your head down on the desk for a few minutes, and crawling under the desk, using the chairs as a barrier, your coat as a pillow and light-shield, and SNORING for two hours (at least). See figure 1 for a detailed example.

Figure 1. Sleeper


So to our library comrades out there. Thanks for an entertaining evening!

Self-Efficacy X Week

The War: Pompous Ass vs. Incompetent Boob

As you may recall, one of the diagnostic criteria for Doctoral Syndrome, Leisure Behavior Type was the tendency to be a pompous ass. We have discovered, a fine line exists between pompous ass and incompetent boob… Thus the war begins. First, we feel it is important to set up definitional guidelines.

In the left corner, we have Pompous Ass:

Pompous Ass: Accurately using 75 words (many of which are 3 syllables or more) to describe a phenomenon that could be described using 10.

In the right corner, Incompetent Boob:

Incompetent Boob: Using 75 words, with no actual comprehension of the words, nor the concept you are describing; thus hoping to rely on the façade of competence, but saying a whole lot of nothing. (see previous sentence as an example)

Now, we strive for pompous ass… so as a guide, we will provide three statements: one in lay-language, one encompassing the true spirit of pompous assery, the other, saying a whole lot of nothing.

Common Language statement: The underlying principles of self-determination theory are autonomy, competence, and relatedness. (11 words)

Ass-ified statement: Theorists posit self-determination is a fundamental psychological need grounded in the foundational concepts of autonomy (i.e., personal agency), competence (i.e., personal effectiveness), and relatedness (i.e., the personal propensity for human interactions); thus, self-determined activities exemplify optimal goal-directed services. (38 words)

Boob-ified statement: Researchers conjecture self-determination is an elementary psychological need rooted in the basic notions of autonomy (i.e., one’s own ability to choose), competence (i.e., one’s own ability to feel competent in one’s own active endeavors), and relatedness (i.e., one’s own satisfaction with one’s own social circle (i.e., friends, family, mail man, preacher, co-workers, Starbucks barista, among others)); thenceforth, activities determined by one’s own self (e.g., self-determined) are the gold-standard. (68 words)

While pompous ass has certain negative connotations, when used effectively it can help authors achieve an expected level of scholarly ability. (What we’re really saying… pompous ass=tenure). So, once one achieves the highest height of pompous assery, he or she is no longer perceived as pompous… merely, “THE SMARTEST HUMAN ALIVE!” (a.k.a The Godfather of the TR Mafia).