The War: Pompous Ass vs. Incompetent Boob

As you may recall, one of the diagnostic criteria for Doctoral Syndrome, Leisure Behavior Type was the tendency to be a pompous ass. We have discovered, a fine line exists between pompous ass and incompetent boob… Thus the war begins. First, we feel it is important to set up definitional guidelines.

In the left corner, we have Pompous Ass:

Pompous Ass: Accurately using 75 words (many of which are 3 syllables or more) to describe a phenomenon that could be described using 10.

In the right corner, Incompetent Boob:

Incompetent Boob: Using 75 words, with no actual comprehension of the words, nor the concept you are describing; thus hoping to rely on the façade of competence, but saying a whole lot of nothing. (see previous sentence as an example)

Now, we strive for pompous ass… so as a guide, we will provide three statements: one in lay-language, one encompassing the true spirit of pompous assery, the other, saying a whole lot of nothing.

Common Language statement: The underlying principles of self-determination theory are autonomy, competence, and relatedness. (11 words)

Ass-ified statement: Theorists posit self-determination is a fundamental psychological need grounded in the foundational concepts of autonomy (i.e., personal agency), competence (i.e., personal effectiveness), and relatedness (i.e., the personal propensity for human interactions); thus, self-determined activities exemplify optimal goal-directed services. (38 words)

Boob-ified statement: Researchers conjecture self-determination is an elementary psychological need rooted in the basic notions of autonomy (i.e., one’s own ability to choose), competence (i.e., one’s own ability to feel competent in one’s own active endeavors), and relatedness (i.e., one’s own satisfaction with one’s own social circle (i.e., friends, family, mail man, preacher, co-workers, Starbucks barista, among others)); thenceforth, activities determined by one’s own self (e.g., self-determined) are the gold-standard. (68 words)

While pompous ass has certain negative connotations, when used effectively it can help authors achieve an expected level of scholarly ability. (What we’re really saying… pompous ass=tenure). So, once one achieves the highest height of pompous assery, he or she is no longer perceived as pompous… merely, “THE SMARTEST HUMAN ALIVE!” (a.k.a The Godfather of the TR Mafia).